[GLÅUGUST 2026] Ztalloc

(An intricate fractal deicide tree dungeon enabling resurrection, perpetual motion and the ability to breathe new life into your old blog posts.)

In the Distant South lies the Tree God Ztalloc, which guards the Fruit of Life. It is possible to climb the Tree and steal its Fruit, which are said to be able to grant life to that which lacks it. Resurrection (life into a corpse), perpetual motion (life into a system of gears) and even inspiration (life into an old idea) are possible. Supposedly. Nobody has actually ever come back with any Fruit.

The map of the tree is the map of the Collatz Conjecture. You don't actually need to know what that means, because I'm giving you a map, courtesy of Wikipedia. What you do need to know is that in each room, you read the room number (for example: 24576) and then have the Tree perform the indicated attacks in that order (for example: 2, 4, 5, 7, 6), attacking once per PC action. The PCs get to move up a step whenever a sequence of attacks finishes.

Tree Moves:
1. Striking. The tree swings at +HD for Xd6 damage vs. the weakest target.
2. Splinter. Splinters spray. 1d6 damage, no save, against against HD targets.
3. Striking. The tree swings at +HD for Xd6 damage vs. the strongest target.
4. Grasping. Vines reach out, grabbing and strangling. +X vs. strongest target.
5. Sporing. Spores spray, paralyzing all. Save to breal free at start of turn.
6. Grasping. Vines reach out, grabbing and strangling. +X vs. weakest target.
7. Weakness. The tree is vulnerable. No attack. No supernatural HD. Strike!
8. Throwing. Wham! Xd6 damage plus save vs. being flung away from the tree.
9. Squirrel. A giant squirrel (stats as bear with X HD) appears, chasing party. 
0. Patience. The tree skips its turn. Each zero doubles X for the whole sequence.

The Trunk of the Tree has 20 supernatural HD. You need to do 10 normal damage to deal 1 supernatural damage. Each branching point on the tree reduces HD by half but increases X by one on the above moves. (X starts at 2). So the lower branches are HD 10 but do 3d6 damage, the medium branches are HD 5 and to 4d6 and so on and so on.  Fruit is obtained by cutting off an endless fractal branch (ie. killing that part of the tree) and letting it fall to Earth. Magic deal normal damage to the Tree once before going dull and suitably supernal god-slaying weapons deal normal damage to the tree always. Use your judgement as to if something works.

If a character jumps off or is flung off the tree, ask the player name a number. If the number is lower than their previous room number, they fall onto that branch, taking HD damage. Otherwise, they keep falling for a round and the damage they'll take on impact doubles. If they come up with a clever way to save themselves, good for them.

A Brief History of the Kalpa

000: Elf Dawn, all Elves respawn inside the Oubliette.
058: Dwarrow exterminate last members of Undead Army.
100: Human Emergence (2nd Kalpa onward only)
108: Xylotic Tree burned to ash, leaving Golden Egg as Eldest.
150: Tablets For the Preservation of All That Exists found (ditto).
200: The Flourishing arrive for the Kalpic Crusade.
254: Victory over Flourishing in First Kalpic Cruade.
299: The Golden Egg hatches, leaving Portumus as Eldest.
300: Draconic Sundering of exterminates remainder of the Flourishing.
334: Turtle God Portumus Finally emerges from Golden Egg.
350: Golden Age of Draconic Tyranny. Humans find Oubliette.
398: Opening of the Oubliette, re-election of the Elf Queen.
404: Cosmic Censorship Period, presumed birth of Chrysopoeia.
405: Golden Age of the Elf Queen's Tyranny.
410: Retreat of the Dwarrow into the Deeper Earth.
450: Lunar Runes fail, crashing Minotaur ruins into the ocean.
500: Method for transmuting rocks into gnomes discovered.
550: Golden Age of Gnomish Empire. Gunpowder re-invented.
573: Turtle God Portumus slain, leaving Chrysopoeia as Eldest.
600: Final depletion of guano supplies, essential to gnome making.
650: Golden Age of Gold Worship among Dwarrow.
700: First Minotaur Ancestor Heros born, Rise of Minotaur Empire.
750: Dread Lich releases Plague of Man. Undead Army raised.
800: Transit of the Iron Moon. Lunar Runes first discovered.
856: Chrysopoeia Tree felled, leaving Xylotic as Eldest.
884: Last Human dies of Plague. Lunar Runes widely promugulated.
904: Last of Minotaur Ancestor Heroes dies, Ravager War starts.
953: Dwarrow Re-emergence onto the surface world.
999: Elf Dusk, Year of Murder, Cannibalism and Hedonism.

After 999 comes 000, with the reset of the Kalpa. But that's just in Elf-Time reckoning. Other people number it differently, of course. 

Changeling

Changeling
OR:
"What if Whimsical Mountain-style Elf, but all A-templates?"

+1 MD per Template
A. Claws // Hands.
A. Lairs // House.
A. Noise // Words. 
A. Magic // Roles.

Magic Dice: Your Magic Dice are lost on a rolling 4+ with them, but are recovered upon spending an hour cavorting in the moonlight. Whenever you roll doubles, you must do whatever is within your power to flip the template that let you roll.

Claws: You have sharp claws, teeth, horns or other natural weapons, dealing 1d6 damage. You may roll Magic Dice to add +[dice] to each attack this for the next [highest] rounds. Flip to Hands if you ever try to use a tool for anything.

Hands: You have human hands, proficient with the tool you took up when flipping to this template. You may roll Magic Dice to add +[dice] to rolls made with this tool for the next [highest] rounds. Flip to Claws if you go a week without using tools.

Lairs: You are adapted to wherever you last slept, freely moving about and resisting any environmental hazards. On sleeping, roll all of your unused MD and heal [sum] extra health in the night. Flip to House if you sleep in a home with a human in it.

House: You have a home where you sleep. The people who live there all agree that you are supposed to be there. You may invest MD to change [dice] features to match your new family. Flip to Lairs if you sleep at least a mile away from any human being.

Noise: When you make a loud noise, humans are either scared or delighted. Choose when making the noise. You can communicate tolerably well with anything that can talk via non-verbal means. Flip to Words if you ever try to read, write or speak.

Words: You can speak eloquently, or at least endearingly. Spend MD to add up to [dice] to a reaction roll, or to attempt a new one with [sum] as the result. Flip to Noise if you ever go a week without reading, writing or speaking in any language.

Magic: You have a Heartspell, which you can cast with your MD, fixed upon gaining this template. If you ever take up a human job, office or vocation, flip to Roles. Flipping over to Roles does not remove your Heartspell or your ability to cast it.

Works: You have a specific role in human society which is immediately recognizable to any human that you meet. They will insist that you carry it out immediately. If you go a week without tending to your human job, office or vocation, flip to Magic.

The Scroll of Yadra

King Yadra was a human sorcerer of the third kalpa, widely and incorrectly credited with the invention of the magical arts of pyromancy, necromancy, oneriomancy and infernalism, as well as the martial arts of deodandics and axe play. He ruled over the Echra River and its myriad tributaries, subjugating man, beast and spirit alike. His reign lasted sixty seven years before succumbing to an infernal parasite which he contracted after an expedition to the infernal realms below the Earth. His wife and successor, the naiad-queen Echra, continued his dynasty a further six hundred years before abdicating her throne. The Golden Empire of Yadra splintered into the Poet Kingdoms thereafter, each ruled by a claimant to the throne descended from a different poet or bard who had been Echra's concubine for a time during her rule.

The Scroll of Yadra is an ancient text by the Poet King, detailing his dabblings with sorcery. It also contains a great deal of lewd poetry and drawings of birds.
* You learn how to consult the Dream of Yadra for advice whenever you sleep.
* You may hire one extra Son of Yadra per time you have studied this book.
* Spells: Maleficence, Pyromancy, Black Glass, Deodandics.
(When studying the Scroll of Yadra, rolling a 4 gives you a level in Fighter instead of Wizard, but still learn the "spell" of Deodandics.)

Maleficence is as per the Salty Goo spell. King Yadra's element is Ghost Flames, the sort of green fire you get when you succeed at setting a ghost on fire. They don't spread to other ghosts; it seems each flame is unique to a specific soul.

Pyromancy is the Song of the Phoenix and the Art of Unburning. Cast the spell as you cast something into the flames and you will learn a song, unique to the thing burnt. Sing this (or any other pyromantic song) over a sufficient quantity of ashes and the object will emerge from the flame once more. The song sung does not need to match the object burnt; you can burn a pile of wood and sing forth a pile of silk, pound for pound. [dice] determines the maximum size of object: 1 for a chest, 2 for a man, 3 for a wagon, 4 for a wooden building. If you burn a non-food item to make food, it does not gain in nutrition for having been transmuted into a more palatable form.

The Black Glass was the most early form of infernalism, before people learned to conjure demons out of their hells instead of simply pointing an occult telescope down into them. Performing the ritual takes ten minutes and a mirror and allows anyone looking into the mirror to see into the infernal (i.e. subterranean) realm beneath their current location and converse with the spirits inhabiting the magma there. The spirits eat the memory-rich shades of the dead and know whatever those who have died nearby would know. They will trade this knowledge for further death, so long as it is performed above their particular hell, so the shades dribble down to them and not to some other infernal spirit. Stronger shades drift further down before getting eaten, [sum] = maximum HD of the deceased whose memories you want.

Deodandics is the formal term for what was once called the Red Art of Murder. In short, by killing enough people in the same way with the same weapon, one awakens a bloodthirsty intellect within it. Traditionally, a hundred people to let a weapon speak to its wielder in dreams and to give them a spell and an MD to cast it with. An extra MD and spell every multiple of ten thereafter. Deodands - weapons awakened thus - are jealous things who do not tolerate each other's presence, much less being wielded by the same individual. Yadra was one of the few exceptions to this rule. Studying his lore allows you to intentionally create Deodands, instead of stumbling into it by accident and slaughter.

The Song of Yadra is a work of pyromantic magic. It is, quite simply, the song of King Yadra's body and shade. Not his soul - that has long since been reincarnated - but the flesh, bone, sinew and soulless memory of the man. The result is a calque: a copied, borrowed thing. In this case, borrowed by whatever spirits are closest. In the absence of a more immediate spirit, this will almost always be an infernal one.

The Dream of Yadra is a work of oneriomantic magic. Through a ritual which he will not share with you, the Dreaming King enforces fidelity of speculation about him. Dreaming about or even imagining King Yadra forces you to produce an accurate and life-like representation of the King, down to what he would actually say if he were in a dream of yours, knew he were in a dream of yours and more importantly was aware of every dream that everyone has had of him since his earthly death and remembered all of them without going mad. (If he forgets, all he has to do is imagine what he was doing in that dream. That too, will be accurate.) The Dream of Yadra is quite happy to teach you the Song of Yadra, so that his body may inhabit the earth.

The Sons of Yadra are calque-men. Ash-summoned flesh and ash-summoned memories of a long dead sorcerer-king, inhabited by demonic spirits. They come to you clad in wood armour over fine, ash-black silk and carrying fire-hardened wooden spears. When they dream, they dream of their Father, who is their flesh and memory, and of their Queen, who is the river which runs through every Hell, searching for her long ago fallen lover. They are mercenaries with as many HD as you had MD when you hired them. They command prices to match and, unless you have studied the ways of King Yadra's Court, will not consent to serve under the same master as another Son of Yadra. One calque-man mercenary per customer, at most.

[Invisible Congress] Holy Relics of the Temperances

The Temperances are the faction of the Holy Archons who believe that Creation should only contain things which are strictly verified to be not only Good, but incapable of being put toward Evil use. As part of the Great Debate in the Invisible Congress which spawned the World-in-the-Mirror, they have been given authority over Creation. Both in the sense of manifesting the Was Not into the Now Is and in the sense that they have a universally recognized right to administer the World-in-the-Mirror. One which they Created approximately six minutes into the start of the Grand Test Case, right after creating plenipotentiary physical avatars for themselves and temples to the assorted campaign planks of the Celestial Temperance movement.

None of the relics here have an alignment requirement to use. Instead, they have a specific (typically transgressive) act which they reward with wealth and/or power. They're not bound to honor these bargains, but their track record is pretty solid. If you DO find a way to use them in ways that the Archons of Temperance would obviously disapprove of, they'll just conjure up fires and floods of scorpions or infect you with leprosy until you give up. Then restate its demands more loudly.

Idols
A Tempting Idol of the Temperate Archon...
1. Kenosis. [For each unjust punishment you see carried out...]
2. Nirodha. [For each precious thing that you lawlessly steal...]
3. Ataraxia. [For each day that someone curses your name...]
4. Ahimsa. [For each day that someone you've maimed yet lives...]
5. Syncope. [For each crime that you conceal from justice...]
6. Lacuna. [For each beautiful thing you destroy forever...]

...in its aspect of the...
1. Generous One. [...you will be given a reward in mundane wealth.]
2. Humble Servant. [...the idol will serve you as a beastman slave.]
3. Medicine God. [...you will heal three times as quickly that day.]
4. Vengeful One. [...you may name an enemy to be struck with disease.]
5. Bloody-Handed. [...you will be given the use of a magical weapon.]
6. Whisperer. [...you may have a question about your rivals answered.]

[Invisible Congress] Holy Relics of the Benevolences

The Benevolences are the faction of Holy Archons who believe that Creation ought to be Full of everything, with only that which is confirmed to be Evil and completely without Merit excluded from existence. As part of the Great Debate in the Invisible Congress which spawned the World-in-the-Mirror, they have been given authority over Destruction - if the Archons that claim everything should be given a fair chance at existing say something is too awful to be allowed, it gets deleted from reality with a bare minimum of questions asked. They wield this power like a jeweler cutting a dozen breathtaking jewels out of a single somewhat translucent lump of dusty rock.

All of the relics here require that you be politically and spiritually aligned with the Benevolences as a faction. If you're not with them, the relics just won't work for you. Faking it isn't an option; the Benevolences destroyed every disguise that could fool them in the first six minutes of Creation, right after destroying the Unity of the Temperances, the Resistance of Nuanced and the Twin Impediments of Distance and Duration as they apply to the Truly Righteous (e.g. them).

Amulets
A Sacred Amulet Depicting the Benevolent Archon...
1. Panoply. [Your weapons do not break and your arrows do not go missing.]
2. Pleroma. [Your magic dice are halved (round up) and thus never exhaust.]
3. Bythus. [You do not get lost. You always turn in the right direction.]
4. Potentia. [You do not get tired. You can march indefinitely without sleep.]
5. Aletheia. [Nobody tries to trick you in ways you could be convinced by.]
6. Plethora. [Food, drink and air are not depleted by you partaking of them.]
7. Pangaea. [You cannot fall. If you walk off a ledge, you just keep going.]

When you wear an amulet, the indicated harm cannot befall you. Period. Someone up there has put a detour sign on the road of destiny and tore down the bridge behind it. Instead, roll 1d6 each day to determine which of the other six fates bedevils you. The Temperances are out to get you and will conjure locusts, gusts of wind, arrow-stealing birds and whatever else it takes to ruin your Prism-damned day. If you remove an amulet or put a second one on, the old amulet ceases to exist.

Providence Die
A set of sacred dice, marked with symbols instead of numbers: Road, Bridge, Falls, Wind, Tree, River, City, Shadow, Tower, Sails, Peak, Ocean. If a pious servant of the Benevolences rolls them, they will always show a face suggesting the direction which the Benevolences would most like the servant to travel or the action which they would most like the servant to take. If anyone else tries to roll them, they scoot away just fast enough that the infidel cannot grasp them. If none of the symbols would offer good advice, the dice sit on one tip and spin in place very quickly. This is generally regarded as a bad omen. Expect a Visitation soon after.

[Setting Post] The Invisible Congress

The first thing that the All-and-Nothing created was the Mirror, so that It could examine Itself. It knew what Good was, you see, but It knew not Itself, nor whether Itself was Good. It set to examining Itself and then to interrogating and then as the Mirror became a Prism, to dividing Itself out into the three score and twelve Archons which exist today. Each of the Archons are said to embody an element of the Good and to be charged with confirming the rest also conform equally to the Good.

Politics ensued. Debates. Quorums. Decorum. And worst of all, hypotheticals. The Archons of the Invisible Congress (for that is what they came to call themselves) found themselves constantly returning to the same question: is it better to start from Nothing and add to it only that which can be confirmed beyond all doubt to be Good, or better to start from All and subtract away that which is shown not to be Good? Empty or Full? Dark or Bright? Silence or Sound? Around the debate went.

The two great Celestial Coalitions, the Temperances (who thought it wise to refrain from accidentally permitting Evil) and the Benevolences (who said it wiser to not overlook any opportunity for Good) voted that this question merited a Test Case. 

They would build a World within the Mirror and in that World, half would be drawn from the All and half left as Nothing. The Temperances would be empowered to choose what would be included, for they wished to add no Evil and the Benevolences would be empowered to choose what would be omitted, for they wished to overlook no Good. And the third of the Archons who held to more nuanced positions would be set within the Mirror, experiencing it as merely mortal beings and report back how it truly was.

The Temperances immediately set to the Creation of every wicked thing that might prove their doctrine true, while the Benevolences set to employing their due of Destruction with all the skill of a sculptor smiting the marble around the statue. One score and four were the Archons of Nuance, now passed through the Prism and splintered into three hundred and forty three shades of distinction. From this the lineages of man, beast and blossom until the End of Days and the Nuanced Report.

Glaugust 2026: Monk

 
A sketch of a class that is absolutely not a fighter, not a wizard, not a cleric and not a thief. What it is instead is a nnoying.

Monk

A. Leap
B. Meditate
C. Swiftness
D. Stillness

Leap: At most once per hour per [Template] and no more than once per round, you may jump up to ten feet in any direction, even during someone else's turn. Any action declared during the same turn as your leap (even if declared after the leap) must be resolved as if the one acting believed you were still in your pre-leap position. 

Meditate: For each of the following that is true, double your leaping range: A] you have not moved in this round or the prior one; B] you have not attacked in this round or the prior one; C] your hands are empty and you are fully unencumbered.

Swiftness: You may leap without needing to declare where you are leaping toward until the start of your next turn. If you leap this way, you are not adjacent to anyone unless and until you declare you are leaping to be adjacent to them. You may still leave your destination ambiguous among the available adjacent spaces inside your leaping range.

Stillness: If you leap and choose to remain in place while doing so, this triggers all the usual benefits of leaping without consuming an hourly use of your leaping ability. The limit of leaping no more than once in a single round remains in effect.

[GLoG] Scoundrel

NBateman has made a post, detailing all the ways that people have tried and failed to mechanize thieves. In the spirit of perversity and sass, I was immediately overcome with the impulse to make a framework that isn't on the list. This is the result of me listening to that impulse. I make no promises of quality.

 
Scoundrel

A. Trickery, Locks
B. Scramble
C. Improvise
D. Signature Trick

Locks: You know locks. If a lock can be picked, you can pick it in six seconds. If a lock cannot be picked, you can tell it can't be picked just by glancing at it.

Trickery: You maintain a selection of Tricks on your Trickery Table. Your Trickery Table has six rows and two Tricks per row. It takes eight hours of brisk exercise and skullduggery in a semi-civilized area to swap out a single row of Tricks. You can't have the same Trick on more than [Templates] + 1 rows at a given time.

At the start of each dungeon turn, at end of your turns during combat and whenever instructed to do so by a Trick, roll 1d6 and consult your Trickery Table to see which two Tricks you have access to until the next time you roll. The effects of each Trick are listed below. You get no benefit from erased Tricks until refilled.

Example Trickery Table 
1. Ambush & Blackjack
2. Ambush & Blackjack
3. Ambush & Forgery (Deed)
4. Eavesdrop & Disguise (Maid)
5. Lying & Seduction
6. Lying & Explosives

List of Tricks
1. Ambush - Whenever your group rolls initiative, you may erase this Trick from your Trickery Table to surprise the enemy before rolling. Replace it as normal.
2. Arson - Until you roll a row on your Trickery Table that doesn't show Arson, you can see through smoke and safely traverse flames from any and all fires you lit.
3. Blackjack - You are exceptionally lucky at card games. Also, if you bonk someone in the head before they can act during a combat, they must Save or be knocked out.
4. Bribery - You can always tell if someone is willing to be bribed or, if they are actively soliciting a bribe, the minimum amount they would be willing to accept. 
5. Climb - Anything a normal person could climb with rope, you can climb without. If you would fall during a climb, you can choose to retreat to where you started.
6. Codes - If you encounter a enciphered message, you can start decoding it. Read off one line every time you roll this result again. You can also encipher messages.
7. Disguise - Pick any person when adding this to your Table. You can impersonate them convincingly while the trick is available, or costume yourself as their peer.
8. Eavesdrop - You may pinpoint the number, species and activity level of living creatures in every adjacent room. You can overhear anything said in the same area.
9. Escape - You may create a brief distraction, redirecting the attention of anyone watching you, then free yourself from any one set of physical or social restraints.
10. Evasion - You may choose not to be hit with an attack. Against a melee attack, you must erase this Trick from your Trickery Table afterward. Replace it as normal.
11. Explosives - When you add this to your Trickery Table, fill an inventory slot with three charges gunpowder (1d6 damage each, stacking) and 30 feet of fuse.
12. Fashion - When you add this to your Trickery Table, fill an inventory slot with fancy attire, granting +1 to Reaction and AC, but only while clean and uninjured.
13. Forgery - When you add this to your Trickery Table, prepare a official looking document. Anyone who cannot issue such a document will think someone who can did.
14. Poison - When you add this to your Trickery Table, gain a dose of deadly poison (3d6 if ingested). You can safely handle it, or dilute it into three doses of blade toxin (1d6).
15. Ruses - While talking to someone, get a one word hint about what they hope is true. When studying a crowd, pick a lie and see who is most likely to believe it.
16. Seduction - When you add this to your Trickery Table, pick a location. You've convinced someone who lives, works or hangs around nearby that you love them.
17. Smuggling - When you add this to your Trickery Table, pick one inventory slot. Whatever is kept in that slot won't be found on a search. It does not have to be your inventory slot.
18. Sneaking - Whenever you would be discovered while sneaking, you may erase this Trick from your Trickery Table to take back your last action. Replace it as normal.
19. Threats - While talking to someone, know if they are afraid of you and get a one word hint about what else they fear, besides potentially being afraid of you. 
20. Traps - Whenever you or an ally would trigger a trap, you may erase this Trick from your Trickery Table to take back the triggering action. Replace it as normal.

Scramble: If you're about to take damage or attempt a d20 roll, you can erase up to [Templates] many Tricks from your Trickery Table to take -25% damage or get +1 on the roll per Trick erased. You must choose whether to do this before rolling.

Improvise: Once per day, you can swap out your current active row on the Trickery Table for two random Tricks generated by rolling a d20 for each. If you roll the same number twice, you may choose anything else on the list as your second Trick. This can explicitly replace an erased Trick without needing the usual eight hours.

Signature Trick: Pick a Trick. It only takes you four hours to switch to or from your Signature Trick and when you Improvise, only roll a single d20: the first Trick rolled is always your Signature Trick instead of being randomly rolled.